It's been a while.

and not much has changed.

still living a dramatic life.

shortly after my uncle passed, my great aunt Gwen passed on...

i don't know why this year is delivering itself in such a depressing manner,

but i am not really looking forward to seeing what else it has to offer.

business has been so so so slow...

i'm applying at the ice cream shop down the street, maybe getting into AD work, and possibly going to school to become a cobbler (shoe designer/maker). I guess I'm not getting the Hollywood story I imagined.. I have a lot more work to do to get there. It's not everything it's promised to be. I thought that after 6 years in the modeling business, I would have found a way to make more money and be more successful. But the up-side to it is that I am a lot more successful than most 20 year old girls.. I just expect a lot more from myself.

annnnyways..

I'm a Monsta truck gangsta.

luxy 101.

so after a good bottle of black label between the four of us, i proceded to the bathroom at Luxy101. my cute little asain bartender/waitress came into the bathroom to make sure i got enough water whilest puking up j.walker+test tube shots. t-bags handled me out to his car and drove me to the gerlach house with no complaints (that i can remember). my boys then, had to carry me (one at my shoulders & one at my feet) up the stairs & put me in bed. thank god they love me. clearly, i am a handful. we like to party... and apparently i like to get d-runk. 

i feel very loved after my weekend. 

i love all of you that treat me like a real friend,
i love all of you that allow me to act like a total fool,
i love all of you that show concern when things go wrong,
i love all of you that care about the future of my being,
i love all of you that are my brothers/sisters for the long run.

just know i will be there to carry you, one by one, on my bare back, up the stairs, into bed, and wipe your mouth when you throw up the booze i buy you.
forevs.

and i would love to super-impose cory where that fugly black dot is ruining my picture.

another building knocked down.

my world is crumbling.

RIP uncle jeff quon.

passed today sometime near 4:55.

you will be missed.

the coolest asain on the block.

we love you.

my mind has been elsewhere.

so i believe this has got to be the most boring blog on the entire internet.

i don't think i would read it, if it weren't my own.

my bestfriend, Kaitlyn, writes one of the most engaging blogs of ALL TIME... :D

drrtylaundry

i check her blog about 30 times a day because she is just that ridiculously amazing, and this isn't JUST friend to friend promotion, i mean, seriously she is just that good.

my life is pretty boring lately, minus my dates with kaitlyn.

we see movies, eat mounds of food, and from time to time consume delicious margaritas.

i really think we should hire faux paparazzi to follow us around all day, 

becuase for some reason, whenever i am around her, i dress WAAAAY better than normal.

iiii dont know, its just a thought. the only exciting thing that just made me take a step back and think,  was when my cell phone rang on my way to irvine, it was Janice D. just calling to say hi and let me know what's going on in her life. i wish i could explain how awesome this woman is. 

janice is my homegirl.

what'cha got t'say 'bout dat?

hey you crazy girl.

i know someone who has fallen off the deep end.

isn't that fabulous?

anywayssss.
i've been terribly ill for almost two weeks.
they say its a horrible stomach flu.
my mum has been taking care of me.


isn't she just breathtaking?

i know, i know. i die.

anyways, to you crazy girl;
i hope you enjoy your life in the middle of your tornado.
you could always click your heels together and go home...
but seeing as how you gave your shoes to Toto,
you'll be lost in Oz forever.
i hope one day you'll realize there's no place like home
before it's too late to return.
i hear the Ozians aren't fans of backstabbers,
keep a watchful eye open at all times,
or they'll come and teach you a lesson little girl...
and we all know you hate learning lessons.

beauty at its realesttttttt.

yes. this is the view from my house.



and these are Newport Beach.


beauty comes and beauty goes
for a woman,
in wrinkles it shows.
the sun's tainted kiss
bring to the face, the feet of crows.
yet, there is one beauty
we will forever know,
that of the heavens,
where one day, we all will go.

slow lane.

home alone..
long day.

big audition for something pretty exciting... the sooner i know, the sooner i can tell you.


let me whisper some secrets in your ear:

"i couldn't put into words how much i dearly love you."

"it hurts that you left me behind."

"i'm sad that no one cares as much as i do."

"there's no stopping me once i start to walk away."

lindsay&mk

kaitlyn & i went out last night, for the first time in forever, and painted the town red.

i think us together is a lethal weapon, we get into more things together than we could imagine apart... if you ever see us coming, just know that there's trouble a brewin'.

mr. quon

you will never know a man like my father. 

at a time of sorrow, he is the man knowing, maybe not all the right things to say, but all the things to say to make you feel warm inside. he is the toughest and sweetest man i have ever met, i would never have survived with out him. 

we can laugh together, sing together, even cry together. 

he smells like the first breath you inhale when you wake up each morning.

if i am ever lucky enough to find a man like him, i will run, not walk, straight to the alter.

i bet you could guess..

life has been crashing down; like salt water on sand.

in the midst of our mourning, we attempted to celebrate christmas 2 days prior to the funeral.

it was like a scene fresh from a disney family christmas movie: grandpa&grandma, kids&parents, food&presents... there was even home alone2 being played. auntie created home-made doughnuts, everyone pitched in a hand making dinner, drinks were mixed, games were played...

1 part mandarin sparkling soda

2 parts chilled vodka

1/2 tangarine (squeezed w/rinde)

1/2 lime (squeezed w/rinde)

it was everything you could have dreamed of.  yet we still managed moments of un-announced silence for you ruthie.

when i spoke at the rosary tonight, i broke down. but i want you to know, great-grandma, that i thank you for believing in me, even when i was going down a path you didn't approve. you hated my tattoo's and my filthy car, but you loved me no matter what. i love you forever and you have inspired my mind, body, heart, and soul to become a better woman.

quite a day.

today was quite the day, not much activity, but a lot of emotion.

My 95 year old grandmother passed away this morning. It had been known that she was sick, but it was still emotional. After finding out, I hopped into my car and drove to see my dad and our family. Luckily, my gorgeous, vibrant little sister was at the door to greet me. Kids really can brighten up any rain storm. So now, I sit and ponder the thought of life. 

When someone's life is taken, in that very moment, you get a shock into reality. You figure out, all at one second, that life can not be taken for granted. You have to reach out and grab every opportunity to get what you want and get where you wanna go. I can't sit around and wait for my life to happen, I have to grab the bull by the horns and milk those horns for all their worth. I can't get upset or angry at petty things, I have to live and learn. I can't pick and choose who to love, I have to love everyone as if it's their last moment, our last breath together.

anyways, I'm rambling. 

I hope whichever higher power is looking down on me, can vouge for me and say she is in a better place. 

<3ruthie.

From The Beginning.

    Today, Madi and I decided to do a little window shopping from the inside of a local pet shoppe... which is probably not the easiest thing for us. We fell in love with a sweet little dauchsund puppy. She was working up those puppy dog eyes, and somehow when the lady muttered "eight hundred ninety nine," the dog even had to say "fuck that."

     Now, we're just back at home watching none other than the Food Network; Rachel Ray can get annoying, but it's the only channel I watch. I made some RIDICULOUS meatballs last night and then sometime near 4:20, I turned them into sandwiches - Sourdough toast, a layer of melted mozzarella, layer of meatballs, and a layer of goat cheese on the other side. 

I Die Meatballs:

1 lb. Ground beef/turkey

2 Cloves of chopped garlic

1 Egg White

1 Cup Seasoned Bread Crumbs

2 tsp. Season Salt

2 tsp. Pepper

2 tsp. Italian Seasoning

Mix everything together while heating 2 table spoons of olive oil in a pan

at medium heat. Make 10 even balls and place them gently in the oil, browning 

them for about 5 minutes before turning them and cooking for another 4-5 minutes.

Simmer a jar of pasta sauce in a large pot, place the golden meatballs in the sauce

until sauce in thoroughly heated, put on a delicious sandwich or ontop of pasta.

    You'd think that would be enough... but Madi is a brilliant baker, and she was in the mood to make a mess too. We were eating Keebler's Grasshopper cookies when the thought of a chocolate cake with a shattered candy cane frosting hit us like a ton of bricks.

If Rachel Zoe ate, she'd die.